The journal · original insights by theme
Relationships & communication
Listening, validation, repair and the courage to speak clearly.
These are draft editorial groupings for review, not Matt’s original sequence. Each insight keeps its source number and exact wording; entries remain in source order within each theme. Read the complete original list in order.
This personal collection includes opinions, incomplete notes and unverified attributions. Categorisation does not validate a claim or turn it into professional advice.
101 original insights · Draft grouping
- No. 004
If you want to go fast, go alone but if you want to go far go together.
- No. 012
Choose love over hate.
- No. 017
The biggest impact and influence you have in life, comes from your words.
- No. 025
You are the combination of your five closest friends.
- No. 032
Communicating effectively is the key to becoming more productive.
- No. 038
People only see the decisions you make, not the choices you had.
- No. 047
Use the phrase ‘I’m curious’ before asking something.
- No. 050
Power of persuasion = the ability to relate to people and adopt their point of view.
- No. 058
Ask for help when you need, seek insight from your colleagues and piers Realise that all People like being asked to help.
- No. 072
Relating people in your life to a tree: in life you have 3 kinds of people, leaf people, branch people and root people.
- No. 078
The joy is not in the goal or the destination, It’s in the journey……. & the joy in the journey is in the journey shared.
- No. 086
Only a true friend will tell you to your face what others are telling behind your back.
- No. 087
Today’s unspoken expectations are tomorrow’s premeditated resentments.
- No. 088
When you say…I feel…it makes a statement more honest and personal.
- No. 090
D.E.E.P. Method of communication for high conflict / narcissistic people = don’t: • D - Defend - don’t waste your time trying to convince someone who doesn’t want to understand you. • E - Engage in their manipulation • E - Explain yourself • P - Personalise - their behaviours are about them not you.
- No. 091
B.I.F.F. Method; Be: • Brief. • Informative. • Friendly. • Firm.
- No. 092
J.A.D.E. method: (similar to deep)
- No. 093
Do not: • Justify. • Argue. • Defend. • Explain
- No. 094
F.O.G. The narcissist off switch: identify what they’re using to get what they want out of you, fear, obligation, or guilt. Then call it out in a non-confrontational way and give them an out. “Maybe you didn’t mean it this way but… I know you’re a good person….” And think about what is the hidden feeling or fear they’re scared of and why they’re doing it to you…. They’re scared of loosing something….
- No. 095
Any time you’re in an argument, there’s a certain level of hidden fear. The other person is scared of something that’s concealed. It’s powerful to stop staring in silence if they use any F.O.G. Against you.
- No. 097
Safety is not the absence of a threat it’s the presence of connection. (Relationships) - Gabor mate
- No. 099
If there’s room for kindness, use it. If you can’t be a bridge, then be a lighthouse.
- No. 101
If you haven’t heard the end of it - Then you haven’t heard the heart of it.
- No. 102
It’s impossible to learn if you’re under stress. If the person you communicating too feels defensive, they’re unable to learn. (If you make people feel like that when you communicate; then - trying to tell them something at that time is useless)
- No. 103
Jefferson Fishers top 3 communication mistakes: • Sharing a similar story or experience without first acknowledging what the other person has said. • Assuming attitude in words read by text or email. • Stop using the phrase ‘that’s crazy’ or other general response; that’s shows you weren’t really listening.
- No. 104
Say something that’s adds value to the conversations you’re having when speaking. Otherwise ask questions about them instead.
- No. 105
If you’re in an argument with someone, don’t start sentences with you. Replace it with an I. For example: ‘I am afraid that you don’t care’ instead of ‘you don’t care.’
- No. 111
It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
- No. 114
When someone’s words and actions don't align its their actions that you listen too.
- No. 128
In disagreement, conversation must be engaging the other person to find win-win solutions not to decide who wins or looses.
- No. 129
Hack your communication and understand how you’re being perceived.
- No. 130
Those who throw mud loose ground.
- No. 137
OK , Yes, No or silence.
- No. 138
Silence is a true friend that never betrays, you never learn anything while you’re talking so know the comfort of silence is your gateway to better relationships & more respect.
- No. 140
First be interested then be interesting.
- No. 141
Seek first to understand before being understood.
- No. 144
Often the person that says the most knows the least.
- No. 146
Use conflict as a mechanism for growth.
- No. 147
Most people just want to feel acknowledgement and know they’re understood.
- No. 149
Ask questions that demonstrate knowledge. Context.
- No. 150
Never ridicule someone for a lack of understanding.
- No. 151
Deep connection comes from shared experience.
- No. 154
Don’t focus on compromise focus on finding a win.
- No. 156
Don’t chase, attract.
- No. 178
How to be emotionally stronger. Stop giving out remote controls and start giving out manuals. Use the phrase that does not work for me & that does work for me to guide people though the manual 👌
- No. 184
Replace but with And.
- No. 185
Think about their question more than you think about your answer……
- No. 186
It is better to stay silent and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
- No. 194
The people you want around you are the people who are around you by choice.
- No. 195
Some people will remind you of who you are, some will remind you of who you’ve been, but the right people will remind you of who you can be.
- No. 227
How do you make a small fortune? Make a large fortune then get divorced. (James Grima)
- No. 235
Never put anything in writing because people don’t know the emotion behind it.
- No. 237
How to disarm / Argument off switch - give your opponent a golden bridge on which they can retreat, give them an out thats beautiful. Look for what someone is using to get something out of you. Can you recognise Fear, Obligation or Guilt (FOG) then call it out, in a way that says “maybe you didn’t mean this, but it sounds like….” Call it out non confrontational way. Think about what is the hidden fear in someone’s argument. In any argument there is a level of concealed fear. What is your opponent scared of?
- No. 249
SHR method seen heard remembered
- No. 255
Self awareness is important in relationships but It’s interactive. It’s through being with others that you get to know who you are and grow self awareness. Relationships help you to become who you are.
- No. 262
Circular arguments: Change the way you approach the situation for a partner/person raising the issue, start with what you need, instead of starting with what the other person did wrong. And for the receiving partner/person start by validating what you can instead of defending yourself.
- No. 265
A man goes to a woman to offer his strength, not to get his strength.
- No. 271
In Love, people look for certainly, and guarantees’s, but love doesn’t work that way, life doesn’t work that way. It means trusting that no matter what happens you’ll be ok. If something isn’t meant for you it will pass, if something is meant for you it will stay. Love is not about guarantees it’s about growth.
- No. 272
Real Love is about standing strong within yourself, confidence should come from an unshakeable belief that you are worthy no matter what. Build the safety within yourself. Healthy love feels calm.
- No. 273
Love is meant to be uncertain it’s not something you force, predict or control. It’s something you experience.
- No. 274
Storytelling is a superpower use structure like set up tension and resolution.
- No. 278
Kindness is not flirting. Attention is not love. Silence is not anger. Tears are not weakness.
- No. 279
Remove expectations from people, and you'll remove their power to hurt your feelings.
- No. 280
Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their toxic behaviour, but never discussed their disrespect that triggered you.
- No. 281
How others behave towards you is a reflection of their own insecurities and beliefs, not your actions.
- No. 301
How to help people who are struggling technique ABC: (let them)
- No. 302
A: Apologise, ask an open ended question, how and what…
- No. 303
B: Back off, give them space and let them. People need to come to the table and own the decisions they make in their lives.
- No. 304
C: Celebrate , make sure you celebrate even the small wins, and yourself you should model the change.
- No. 305
Liming - spending time together with no particular purpose.
- No. 310
Don’t waste your time with the explanations, people only hear what they wanna hear.
- No. 312
The fastest way to get better is surround yourself with better people.
- No. 313
Love without self-respect is just sacrifice.
- No. 317
Don’t hide your hands when in conversations.
- No. 336
Bee’s don’t waste their time explaining to flies why honey is better than shit.
- No. 348
Friends are the family that you choose for yourself.
- No. 356
Comfort without connection becomes a cage.
- No. 357
The vampire can only come in if it’s invited
- No. 358
Any language when ‘ standing your ground’ that starts with you, can be replaced with I. E.g. “You can’t speak to me that way.” Instead; “ I don’t accept that tone”
- No. 361
Everyone you will ever meet, knows something you don't.
- No. 364
3 rules to live by, 1. love needs action, 2. trust needs proof, 3. sorry needs change.
- No. 365
Calm, caring and curious. CCC
- No. 373
With one hand you can’t do claps.
- No. 376
If they wanted to, they would.
- No. 377
Not everybody has the same values the same goals or the same heart as you do.
- No. 378
No response is a response.
- No. 380
When you hug someone hug until they let go first,
- No. 383
Silence and clarity are louder than urgency.
- No. 385
Public speaking / motivating people to do something / or to listen: they need these 3 Logos : Ethos : Pathos • Logos - the reason and the benefits from their perspective. • Ethos - who is the speaker and why should they be listened to / reputation etc… • Pathos - the emotion, a reason to connect to the person speaking.
- No. 386
……. “do well if they can” start that sentence with people, adults, kids, managers, you name it. People generally do well if they can. If they’re not doing well something is getting in the way.
- No. 392
There are three kinds of yes counterfeit, ….. and commitment.
- No. 403
Use the word “direction” in conversation to appoint your self the captain of the ship.
- No. 404
People never remember what you say they remember how you make them feel.
- No. 410
Energy transfer is real be mindful of who you let touch you.
- No. 411
Instead of asking for a yes ask, “do you disagree?” The person will generally say no and then layout the problems that they have seen now have problems list that you can address. Always seek a no, to get your yes.
- No. 418
We teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate .
- No. 420
Change patterns not people.
- No. 423
Never tell anybody they’re wrong; tell them “it seems like you have a reason for saying that”. Because then it’s not a person to attack and you need the data behind their reasoning.
- No. 424
If someone tells you that you hurt them….you don’t get to decide.
- No. 429
The secret in any negotiation is giving the other side the illusion of control.
- No. 433
Never argue with someone committed to misunderstanding you.